Last week I took a dive of the edge of the mothering cliff. There’s only so much diapers, and dirty floors, and dishes, and potty misses, and hunger, and rushing to school, and nursing and diapers… that a woman can take! At some point I walked into my kids room at night and looked at their peaceful, sweet faces and wondered, “who’s children are these?” They didn’t look capable of infllicting the kind of torture, disrespect and messiness that they have been dolling out these past few days. And I walked out of their room feeling guilty and ashamed as my mind brought forth a flood of images of them being sweet, nurturing, thoughtful, clever, funny, helpful…
I know I love them, and I would do anything for them – in fact I am doing just that, and that’s the problem. Yesterday, after talking to my mom, I called a babysitter and for the first time in almost a year, Yoram and I went on a date. We walked out of the city along the main road to the industrial park.After wanderinng around a bit, including finding a spot dark enough to see the infinite expanse of stars, we found our way to the Golan Heights Brewery and tried some excellent freshly brewed beers.
When we got home only Miss O was awake, but she fell asleep as soon as I lied down w/ her.
I feel a lot better now, especially after committing to go out twice a month. And I also know that sometimes even Mommies need a break.