“Return to the land of your soul…”

I love this song. It’s about coming home, it’s about finding yourself. And it’s definitely about me, right now.

As you can probably tell from my facebook posts, and my facebook page, and many of my posts here, I love birth.

I love being with birthing women, and hearing birth stories, and reading the research, and debating birth practices, and speaking with birth professionals, and well, basically, if it involves birth – I’m there!

But lately, I haven’t been “there.” I’ve been in other important places, like with my kids and my husband. But I haven’t been at births. My kids are little, and DH’s job is not very flexible, and the availability of childcare is on the low side, and so I have been called away from “the land of my soul,” as it were. The place I feel I give my whole self. The place where I feel I am doing the work I was put here to do. I’ve been away.

Last week was my birthday, a good opportunity to reassess one’s life, goals, accomplishments. I can say with confidence and joy that I do not come up short! I have a beautiful, healthy little gaggle of children, I have a husband worth his weight in gold, we picked up our family from a life of relative stability and transplanted them to the place that we feel is so right for us. And I have been involved, one way or another, with birthing women as much as possible.

So the birthday present that I got from my husband was literally a sentence. And it changed my life in ways that no physical gift ever could. He said, “Ayelet, you need to start attending births again.”

If you’re not a doula, or if you don’t know one very well, or more specifically: if you’re not married to a doula, then you might not appreciate the gravity of that statement. It carries with it the weight of sleepless nights, of being late to work, of spending important occasions and holidays (like shabbat, or yom kippur!) with out me… it carries more meaning than a dozen roses, or a diamond necklace ever could. It was a ticket back to the land of my soul.

Well, the universe shifted with that statement without me having to say a word, because in the same week I got two calls from women looking for a doula. And just like that, I’m back. Back to “who I am…” to “where I am born and reborn again…” and oh, it feels so good!

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